Six years ago this week, my life turned upside down. The church I had spent more than a third of my life serving had asked me to leave. The people I had thought were friends and ministry partners turned against me. Relationships I had spent years cultivating, fighting for, were suddenly over. True feelings and thoughts spilled on to social media, and I watched from afar as people blamed me in part for so many of the horrible things that week. I simply couldn’t fathom that after so many years and so much sacrifice, that was the way it ended. The aftermath of that week lasted longer than I had ever dreaded, so much so that every year at this time, I get a little sick to my stomach and every emotion is amplified; and not always in a good way.
But to say that everything has been tough these past six years would be me saying that God isn’t still good and that he doesn’t have a wider plan. Of course, that isn’t true. Did I ever seek to be a lead pastor? No way. I thought I would never leave music ministry; music was the only thing I was ever even remotely good at. I didn’t feel called into teaching ministry; I had never attended a single Theology course. How would anyone ever think I could lead a church? Somehow, we have managed to learn along the way and pick ourselves up every time we stumble.
Foothill Bible Church, the church I currently lead, just celebrated it’s fifth anniversary, and I somehow don’t feel any better equipped to lead today than when this journey began six years ago. I fail. A lot. I have made so many mistakes over the past five years, I lost count years ago. I stopped counting, really.
And at the beginning of next month, we will turn another brave page in the story. After five years at the Calimesa Seventh-day Adventist facility, Foothill begins a new chapter with the people of New Life Christian Fellowship. It’s not going to be easy, but I am excited about the challenges that lie ahead. We have all experienced some of the worst of what the Christian life can bring, and through it all, we will encourage each other and strengthen each other. Some say what we are going to try to do is impossible, and that somehow it isn’t worth even trying. I believe God is up to something bigger, and I want to see what it is. I anticipate some bumps and bruises; we know what it’s like to recover from some broken bones – metaphorically speaking.
So for the next day or so, I intend to live through the painful experiences once again; to feel the emotions for the first time, all over again. But, then it will be time to move on. I have waited for the moment when I will stop looking back and so vividly see the hurts and mistakes of the past, and truly look forward to what God has in store…for the next five years, and beyond.
That time is now. No more looking back.
4 comments:
Wow. I love this insight into you. You are my favorite pastor because of your passion and love for God. I see it Everytime you stand up their to teach and every time you talk to your congregation. I didn't know you 6 years ago but I have heard stories of that place (nothing at all having to do with you). I'm so sorry that you were also scarred by behaviors there. You have definitely come out on top even though it may not always feel like it. You always have my support. ❤️
This is Honey btw. Lol. And excuse my typos. I didn't proofread my Swype before I hit publish. Lol
Don't beat yourself up Pastor "O". We/You have been through a lot since the YCC days. I think you are doing a fine job as lead pastor! Just remember there are many folks who are supporting you and our church. Just remember you are only human, I think the congregation forgives you for that! We love you "O" - keep your chin up!
If you hadn’t said you lack theological training, most would not know it. Your teaching is awesome and we appreciate it coming straight from God’s Word! We are all in this together and we love you for picking up the pieces and carrying on!
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