...and I feel fine.
Actually, I don't feel any different at all.
The stock market is tanking, banks are failing, the presidential race has deteriorated into a game of who can suck the least, and hurricanes have devoured alot of the gulf coast region this summer.
And yet, the Angels have clinched their division, the Dodgers look like they are going to go to the playoffs, and my kids are in bed tonight at 7:30PM!!! I'd say all is well with the world.
And with that, there is alot to be thankful for. I got to see my sister for the first time since last October. My work environment has settled a little bit, and I can afford to relax a little bit believeing that my job is not going anywhere - at least for the time being. Plus, my wife is HOT!!!
I feel bad for my friend Barbara Albrecht. She has been given the death sentence of pancreatic cancer. 3 months, maybe. My aunt who was widowed last month is very sad lately - lonely. My parents are getting older and trying their best to take care of one another.
But with that, there is much to look forward to. We are going to Disneyland next month. Yay. and we may even take the boys to their first baseball game next week. Cool. And I am already looking forward to the anniversary trip to Catalina in January.
Life is kinda like the baseball season. Sometimes you get in a long winning streak. Sometimes you get in a long losing streak, and sometimes you just win one and lose one. But the key to life is to not get to high in the winning streaks and too low in the losing streaks. I do believe that life has a tendancy to even itself out.
Then there is faith. I believe God is going to provide for me and my family. Things may be rough now a little bit for everyone, but it's gonna get better, because it always does.
So for now, I am caught up on all of my stuff, and I have a few moments to blog and catch up on my facebook....
Today was interesting though. Led worship for the chick Bible study at the church. Outnumbered 80-2. Helped put the roof on the new overhang at the church. Came home and watched a nice little thunderstorm, and did I mention, we had the kids ASLEEP by 7:15PM!!!! Wierd day. Maybe tomorrow will be a little more normal....
Or maybe not.
Tuesday, September 16, 2008
Wednesday, September 3, 2008
Off to the schoolhouse and closed eyelids
My, how time flies.
I now have a two year old and a five year old and they started school this week. It's not that I feel old, but time goes too fast. If I blink too many more times they are going to be in high school.
Can you tell they love the camera? They love to have their picture taken.
Two quick stories...
I try to get the kids to sleep in their own beds, so we read them stories and usually they will be asleep by 7:30 or so. That gives mom and I a chance to have some quiet time to watch tv or just unwind from the day. Well a couple of nights ago, Olin woke up really early and he decided he would jump in our bed. We weren't even in bed yet, so I tried to discourage him from jumping in my bed and to go back to his bed. He refused. So, desperate, I said to him, "I will give you a dollar if you go back to your bed." I could tell that he was thinking and I could see his eyes moving around under his closed eyelids and after a few seconds his eyes opens and he says...
"20 dollars"
My 5 year old wants me to pay him 20 dollars to sleep in his own bed??? What is this world coming to. He may end up a rich man....
Then there is the 2 year old. He woke up this morning around 1:30 and would not go back to sleep. Finally about 2AM I decided that enough was enough and I was going to take him downstairs and get him a drink of milk and try to get him back to sleep. So we go down, he takes his drink and we sit down in my green lazyboy. He is already kinda tired so he lays his head on my shoulder. About 15 minutes later, he says, "daddy....upstairs." I always tell him that we will go back upstairs after he goes back to sleep, because we don't want to wake everybody up. So a minute later he says it again, "daddy....upstairs." I tell him that he is not asleep yet, so he lifts his head up and turns his face so I can see it and he closes his eyes as tightly as he can and says, "see...daddy...sleep!"
I don't believe him, but I take him upstairs anyway, lay him next to me and I wake up at 7:30. He must have went back to sleep. YAY!!
I love them, and sometimes, I want to put them on a forever time-out....
But for now, it is time for Kindergarten and all that book learnin'. Let the games begin!!!
Friday, August 29, 2008
Perspectives
My Dodgers have lost 7 in a row. A woman is a VP nominee and my internet connection is iffy at best: What is this world coming to?
I mean, as I sit here, the Dodgers are down 1-0 (had to take a kid break, it's now 4-2), and looking flat as asphalt on a hot summer day. They are getting torched. It used to be nice in the summer because no matter how bad my day at work was, or how rowdy the kids were or how much of a failure I was as a husband that day, the Dodgers would at least play .500 ball. Now they haven't won a game in more that a week. Yikes.
And this morning the news that McCain's running mate is going to be a woman. There is nothing that I can say in the following sentences that will sound not sexist, and I apologize. I don't consider myself sexist, so on second thought, I offer no apologies. I don't know many women in politics who are not democrats, but I think someone with at least a little knowledge of how Washington works would be a good thing. Some people think it would be nice to throw the baby out with the bath water and start all over at the capital, but to not have much political experience at all is a little scary. McCain ain't no spring chicken and if he goes 2 terms, there is a real shot that she might be called on to step up. I have to assume that McCain knows more than we know and everything will be ok. I just hope that this election doesn't deteriorate into the lesser of two evils. We'll see.
I spent about 5 hours doing computer stuff today and have precious little to show for it. It makes me sad that all of this technology is available to us, but we haven't completely figured it all out. Maybe some day it will all come together. I know it is getting better. Maybe I just need a new machine.
Maybe I just need a nice long nap.
I mean, as I sit here, the Dodgers are down 1-0 (had to take a kid break, it's now 4-2), and looking flat as asphalt on a hot summer day. They are getting torched. It used to be nice in the summer because no matter how bad my day at work was, or how rowdy the kids were or how much of a failure I was as a husband that day, the Dodgers would at least play .500 ball. Now they haven't won a game in more that a week. Yikes.
And this morning the news that McCain's running mate is going to be a woman. There is nothing that I can say in the following sentences that will sound not sexist, and I apologize. I don't consider myself sexist, so on second thought, I offer no apologies. I don't know many women in politics who are not democrats, but I think someone with at least a little knowledge of how Washington works would be a good thing. Some people think it would be nice to throw the baby out with the bath water and start all over at the capital, but to not have much political experience at all is a little scary. McCain ain't no spring chicken and if he goes 2 terms, there is a real shot that she might be called on to step up. I have to assume that McCain knows more than we know and everything will be ok. I just hope that this election doesn't deteriorate into the lesser of two evils. We'll see.
I spent about 5 hours doing computer stuff today and have precious little to show for it. It makes me sad that all of this technology is available to us, but we haven't completely figured it all out. Maybe some day it will all come together. I know it is getting better. Maybe I just need a new machine.
Maybe I just need a nice long nap.
Sunday, August 17, 2008
What I did on my summer vacation
I used to be very happy during my vacations, because usually the main goal each day was to sleep in until 10AM. It always made for short days, but I loved sleeping in. Then I had kids. No more sleeping in.
This vacation was made especially tough because we spent the first week trying to get them back into their routine after VBS. We never really got back on track, especially since one of our main goals was to try and paint a few of the rooms in our house. We started in the boys room, which meant that they were going to move in with us until the work in their room was done. That's not the easiest way to get the boys back in to their routine. Duh!!!
Then came tragedy. On Tuesday morning, Jessica began having problems with her pregnancy. All signs were pointing to miscarriage, but we just had her rest and wait and see. After a few days of anxiety and discomfort, we went to see the doctor. They didn't take her concerns about the baby very seriously, and sent her home with what was probably the wrong diagnosis. On Friday when the problems didn't let up, we took her to the emergency room where our biggest fears were confirmed. Our baby was no longer viable. She had miscarried. We cried.
Family and friends have been a great source of comfort and I think the biggest issue we face now is that as other people find out about what has happened to us, we will have to go through the pain all over again, as we tell folks what has happened and how we've been coping. I think some of the coping mechanisms have yet to be put into action and the worst still may not be over, but I believe our support and our Faith in God is going to help us get through this.
One thing I have learned (more duh) is that if I am going to take 2 weeks off in the future, I need to cover all the bases at church and LEAVE TOWN. I led worship both weeks of my vacation, so I really didn't take time off from the week to week routine, and then add to that the fact that I had long ago committed to a concert and could not get out of it. As it turned out, the miscarriage kept me on the sidelines for that event, but preparing for it took time away from the vacation. I have never taken much time out away from work - a workaholic in denial - so this 2 week vacation was a bold experiment, but one that in hindsight wasn't successful for all of the aforementioned reasons. That being said, being available to Jessica, and to be able to grieve over it was a total God thing.
So what did I acheive here at the house? Well, we repainted the boys room from dull white to bright high gloss white with some cool DODGERS colored trim, so now we can get on with the business of painting characters on their walls. Cool!! Then, just this weekend - with the help of the ever helpful, useful and talented Bill Crawford - we retiled the kitchen after many cuts and misplaced tiles. It looks pretty dog gone good, it I may say so myself. Thanks, Bill and Yvonne!
As for the difficult issues of this past couple of weeks, I find myself wondering a couple of things. Am I cold? Am I unfeeling? I cried with Jess on that first day, and I am definitely sad, and I even put on my myspace and facebook pages that I was (and am) devestated, but I have only teared up a couple of times. Is my faith in God helping me hold it together better than I thought that I would. I read The Shack over the past several weeks and I am preparing a sermon about the 23rd Psalm for this Sunday, so I feel like I am in a place where the questions and hurt that Jessica is feeling seems easier for me to deal with.
I am still asking the questions like, was it a boy or girl? When it goes to heaven, does it go there as a baby, always held by loving angels, does it go to heaven as a child that can play and run and sing with Jesus or does it go to heaven as an adult simply singing praises? I know that sometimes it feels like a cliche to say that God is in control and he has a better plan in place and I place all my faith and trust in him, but that is just it - all of this religion and church and study and prayer and praise are now put into action in a way that help me release the pain to Him.
I feel kinda bad that I don't hurt as much as Jess. But I know that I didn't carry the child, and my preparation as a dad doesn't start until later in the pregnancy, so she has a headstart on the attachment that make saying goodbye so hard. So for now, I will grieve when the grieving comes and try to be the best love and support that I can be for my wife and our kids.
I look forward to healing and to trying to make another baby!
So that's it. I have had two weeks off but I feel no more refreshed or ready for the fall season than before I started. Yikes. Choirs start this week and Christmas will be here before we know it. So, it's back to work, the grind, the routine. I am armed with some new tools and new hobbies (blogging and facebook -ichk!), and a new challenge to keep my priorities where they belong: God-->Jess-->Olin and Sam-->Work-->everything else. The challenge? Trying to persuade my wife that that is truly the order.
Man, am I looking forward to my next vacation!!!
This vacation was made especially tough because we spent the first week trying to get them back into their routine after VBS. We never really got back on track, especially since one of our main goals was to try and paint a few of the rooms in our house. We started in the boys room, which meant that they were going to move in with us until the work in their room was done. That's not the easiest way to get the boys back in to their routine. Duh!!!
Then came tragedy. On Tuesday morning, Jessica began having problems with her pregnancy. All signs were pointing to miscarriage, but we just had her rest and wait and see. After a few days of anxiety and discomfort, we went to see the doctor. They didn't take her concerns about the baby very seriously, and sent her home with what was probably the wrong diagnosis. On Friday when the problems didn't let up, we took her to the emergency room where our biggest fears were confirmed. Our baby was no longer viable. She had miscarried. We cried.
Family and friends have been a great source of comfort and I think the biggest issue we face now is that as other people find out about what has happened to us, we will have to go through the pain all over again, as we tell folks what has happened and how we've been coping. I think some of the coping mechanisms have yet to be put into action and the worst still may not be over, but I believe our support and our Faith in God is going to help us get through this.
One thing I have learned (more duh) is that if I am going to take 2 weeks off in the future, I need to cover all the bases at church and LEAVE TOWN. I led worship both weeks of my vacation, so I really didn't take time off from the week to week routine, and then add to that the fact that I had long ago committed to a concert and could not get out of it. As it turned out, the miscarriage kept me on the sidelines for that event, but preparing for it took time away from the vacation. I have never taken much time out away from work - a workaholic in denial - so this 2 week vacation was a bold experiment, but one that in hindsight wasn't successful for all of the aforementioned reasons. That being said, being available to Jessica, and to be able to grieve over it was a total God thing.
So what did I acheive here at the house? Well, we repainted the boys room from dull white to bright high gloss white with some cool DODGERS colored trim, so now we can get on with the business of painting characters on their walls. Cool!! Then, just this weekend - with the help of the ever helpful, useful and talented Bill Crawford - we retiled the kitchen after many cuts and misplaced tiles. It looks pretty dog gone good, it I may say so myself. Thanks, Bill and Yvonne!
As for the difficult issues of this past couple of weeks, I find myself wondering a couple of things. Am I cold? Am I unfeeling? I cried with Jess on that first day, and I am definitely sad, and I even put on my myspace and facebook pages that I was (and am) devestated, but I have only teared up a couple of times. Is my faith in God helping me hold it together better than I thought that I would. I read The Shack over the past several weeks and I am preparing a sermon about the 23rd Psalm for this Sunday, so I feel like I am in a place where the questions and hurt that Jessica is feeling seems easier for me to deal with.
I am still asking the questions like, was it a boy or girl? When it goes to heaven, does it go there as a baby, always held by loving angels, does it go to heaven as a child that can play and run and sing with Jesus or does it go to heaven as an adult simply singing praises? I know that sometimes it feels like a cliche to say that God is in control and he has a better plan in place and I place all my faith and trust in him, but that is just it - all of this religion and church and study and prayer and praise are now put into action in a way that help me release the pain to Him.
I feel kinda bad that I don't hurt as much as Jess. But I know that I didn't carry the child, and my preparation as a dad doesn't start until later in the pregnancy, so she has a headstart on the attachment that make saying goodbye so hard. So for now, I will grieve when the grieving comes and try to be the best love and support that I can be for my wife and our kids.
I look forward to healing and to trying to make another baby!
So that's it. I have had two weeks off but I feel no more refreshed or ready for the fall season than before I started. Yikes. Choirs start this week and Christmas will be here before we know it. So, it's back to work, the grind, the routine. I am armed with some new tools and new hobbies (blogging and facebook -ichk!), and a new challenge to keep my priorities where they belong: God-->Jess-->Olin and Sam-->Work-->everything else. The challenge? Trying to persuade my wife that that is truly the order.
Man, am I looking forward to my next vacation!!!
Thursday, August 14, 2008
OK, so here is the real reason...
So I think the real reason I wanted to start blogging can be traced back to the Chino Hills earthquake from the end of July. After searching for video captured during the event, I came across an interesting video of "The Ryan O'Connor Show." I remember thinking while I was watching it that people will watch ANYTHING on youtube and the guy actually does a vlog from his bedroom, complete with guests that "come out of the closet." Yes, they actually enter his show by coming out of the closet that is seen over his shoulder.
HOW GENIUS IS THAT?!?!
Well if Ryan can do a full on interview from his show, why can't I type my words into a blog? It certainly can't be any less entertaining???
So if people will literally waste away hours looking for the latest video of a guy hurting himself on his bike, why wouldn't they spend a moment reading my thoughts of the day?
So before I go, here is my thought of the day:
If people are really interested in reaching out to one another and making each other feel loved and appreciated, why would they create all kinds of rules to legislate that action?
I am at a loss for words, so I will just laugh and call it a day.
HOW GENIUS IS THAT?!?!
Well if Ryan can do a full on interview from his show, why can't I type my words into a blog? It certainly can't be any less entertaining???
So if people will literally waste away hours looking for the latest video of a guy hurting himself on his bike, why wouldn't they spend a moment reading my thoughts of the day?
So before I go, here is my thought of the day:
If people are really interested in reaching out to one another and making each other feel loved and appreciated, why would they create all kinds of rules to legislate that action?
I am at a loss for words, so I will just laugh and call it a day.
The Journey Begins
Jessica asked me what made me think of starting a blog. I couldn't give her a good answer. I told her that I had been thinking about it for long time, but had never really gotten around to doing it. Seems like a lame answer. I did a podcast and there was no real reason why I should have done one. I have nothing profound to say, I am not an expert in any of the things in my life that I do, and no one really listens to me anyway. So why would I start a blog? Well probably the same reasons that everyone else does. It's free. And it will help me get things out of my brain and into cyberspace. Why wouldn't I? So it's kinda like a journal and I will probably treat it that way. I hope I don't start acting like Doogie Howser....
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